Month: July 2015

Darkside Thursday – flash fliction

Stranger in the attic

I don’t know how long it has been since I last got a full night’s sleep.

How can I sleep when I know all the while that he is just there, right above me. Looking at me through the cracks in the floorboards when he thinks that I’m not looking. I see it sometimes, his eyeball pressed against the small chink in the ceiling. It peers at me accusingly, I look up sometimes and catch him. A wild pupil set in a sea of tepid blue, an iris that somehow changes from this to calm grey when the light reflects through the tiny window. When the early morning breeze drifts into the dingy room and he allows the peace to take over his anger.

I feel him watching me as I curl up on the mattress with a book, attempting to follow the words, be taken away by a story. Anything to get my mind away from him.

Sometimes I hear him scratching around up there, I try not to think about what he is doing, what he is plotting. I just want to think about the good things he does for me, and how in those instances he makes me happy, oh so happy.

Yet when I hear him banging on the floorboards and shouting in his mother tongue, he sounds so much more violent then. When he curses me with his words that make no sense to my ear, I still understand the tone implied, I know these are threats he is issuing. And on those days I keep my distance.
On those days I lift up my violin and raise its voice to block out any bad noise. I don’t need this kind of negativity in my life, I don’t want to have to revisit the centre again. The medication never really helped, it only blocked my senses.
Only made me numb

Of course the tantrums don’t last forever, on some level he knows that I need him and even when he takes out his annoyance with me he knows that I will still care for him. I will still carry up that tray of lovingly prepared food and his favourite hot chocolate to help calm him. At some point he will have to sleep and then I can relax. Placing the tray quietly in the doorway to his room, I have to make a run for the stairs in case he catches me again. The bruises get harder to explain away.

So I wait a while until all falls silent and I creep back up to the attic to find a half empty mug scraped clean of any floating marshmallows.
And only then do I know that it is safe.

Stepping over his limp sleeping body, I open the stiff window a crack, just enough to let the breeze trickle through. I study his face whilst he sleeps, so adorable with his velvet plump lips and chiselled jaw. Cautiously I reach out to stroke his short hair that feels soft under my fingertips, I like that fuzzy feeling that it gives me. Then I prod him firmly, and again to make sure he is really at peace before I curl up against him, feeling his slow heavy heartbeat against my cheek.
I so enjoy these moments, just two people alone in the world, thrown together by fate.

I smile at that and think about how glad I am to have opened the door for the delivery that fateful morning.

And as I tighten the bolt on his ankle chain I wonder if the neighbours have started to question the truck parked on the driveway yet.

 

 

A little late being pinned up, but better late than never eh ๐Ÿ˜€

Check out other Darkside Thursday links HERE

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Living with Sin

It frustrates me and it breaks me
Leads me on and on
Makes my mundane cheery
I hate it when you’re gone

You give your tongue with freedom
And more of it I seek
Yet often it falls dormant
Depending which day of the week

I crave your words inside me
I want you more and more
Though you leave me here frustrated
Crawling on the floor

You fire my haste with patience
Keep my rage at bay
Bind my wrists with silence
Forgetting all the words I say

Might you keep me here forever
Hidden in your lust
Sheltered by encouragement
Warm beneath your trust

Will you paw me like a tiger
Bound and pressed,
and dressed – for sin
Would you play me
as your piccolo
or like a violin

Can you give me one last vision
One final small request
Would you treat me as lover
Not just a household guest

Fuzzy Connection

Is there really a connection
Is it all here in my head?
When I hold my breath and smile
over something you have said.

When I hear the purr, of your voice
laugh at words that leave my mouth,
and look into your deep eyes
but feel the stir down south

Is my skin supposed to crackle
Just because you are too near
Should I really watch you drinking
And feel jealous of your beer

Am I wrong to think you’re flirting
Are you only being nice
Am I reading too much into this
Is there really no entice?

Should the outbreak of goose bumps
be hidden from your eyes
Ought I shield you from my smiles
And all escaping sighs

Must I stem what comes natural
Apply more self control
Slap some sense in to me
Ignore my giddy soul

Shall I hold myself back tighter
Not let myself persist
Am I supposed to just pretend
that nothing here exists.

Could you tell me I’m imagining
Something that’s just not there
Tell me very blatantly
It’s not like that you care

Can you please confirm for me
I’m just like every friend
Someone to confide in
another ear to lend

If you will, please show me
The folly of my ways
My foolishness, stupidity
Please pull me out this haze

You could soften it with humour
Just say it out the blue
Should you?
Would you?
Could you?
Tell me you don’t feel it too

Just a little extra poem from the notes inspired by the earlier Poetry 101 Rehab prompt – Thanks Andy ๐Ÿ™‚

My first offering was this

Lost connection

The screen blinks at me tiredly

as I check my phone for the last time tonight

No sign of your call,

your text,

your email

No sign of you

Yet you said you would return

Just one text

One call

One email

This was all it would have taken

To show me

To validate my feelings for you

Instead of me feeling a fool

Waiting for a sign

That never came

I thought we had a connection

I guess I was wrong

Wait….My reception has gone

My offering for this week’s Poetry 101 Rehab