Wasted my young years

I am wasting my life

I know it, yet I cannot seem to stop it. I sit and I feel it slipping away from me. My get up and go has got up and gone and I have no idea how to find it again, or know if indeed it is still out there waiting to be found.

In my thoughts I am a pioneer, I swoop and soar and plan all things which I could do, list all the things I should do, hide from the things I need to do – yet still I lie.
Curled up in a fortress of quilt whenever I can get the chance, if ever I need not to be at work and sometimes when I should be somewhere else – i lie. Hidden behind walls and I lie, in bed waiting, waiting for something unknown.

I am tired

My bones do not want to move today or ever. I do not want to drag my carcass out into the unfriendly world where it has no relevance, no meaning, no joy. I feel guilt for all of the things I am missing out on, feel bad for those I am letting down, constantly but still I cannot seem to force myself out. I dont know what I want but I know it isnt this – I am a waste of life in this state. Not living but simply existing.

The only thing that brings solace is sleep. I feel I could sleep forever and feel happier lost in dreams for life only brings cruelty and sadness.

Please just let me sleep.

 

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8 comments

  1. A familiar feeling. But there is meaning in all life, as insignificant or irrelevant as it may seem…I hope you find your meaning in the little things, for it’s often those little things that really matter!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. It’s a grim feeling – but all I can say is that you are a talented, prolific writer with a knack of getting your emotions down on paper without lapsing into sentimentality. That can never be a waste… I thoroughly approve of your choice of music, btw. It’s a fabulous album – LOVE her voice.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Heh – I have been here so many times – and I remind myself that sometimes it is absolutely okay to let the world go by as I burrow under the bed covers. I indulge myself there a bit and then get out for a walk. You have a friend in me. Reach out if you need to.

    Liked by 1 person

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