choice

In Shadow of the Sun

Sometimes I am struck by the sheer futility of it all

Crossing out days in the calendar as if they were nothing

Allowing the sands of time to slip away

Watching the rising and setting of the sun

Knowing that in each lost day drowns a moment

An imagined space in fate forfeited, passed over

 

Some days there is anger, a hope that it will soon be over

A growing sadness that encourages me to leave it all

To walk away and seize the moment

But the fear of uncertainty, of being left with nothing

To be naked to elements, left to dry in the sun

These thoughts restrain me, stop me running away

 

Instead I walk a precarious line; he’d rather look away

Never wanting to face that its over

Seeing us as youngsters, playing in the sun

Willing to deny the truth, trying to forget it all

Attempting to believe the agitation is nothing

Not allowing emotion, not for a moment.

 

But it’s true, we are here in this moment

I still haven’t given anything away

Even at this juncture, I offer nothing

Except silent acknowledgement it’s over

I can offer no comfort at all

For I am every evil under the sun

 

I contemplate this in bed, awaiting the rising of the sun

My mind a kinetoscope, replaying every moment

Squeezing life from every last memory, I drink them all

Chasing down fragments, not allowing any to slip away

Nailing down reason, trawling through thoughts over and over

Torturing feelings to confirm there is nothing

 

Nothing more to hold me, no person, no thing

Save the inexplicable guilt of hurting a mothers son

My head so thick and weary, as though harbouring a hangover

Could it be my courage finally gathers momentum?

I should vault the bandwagon straightaway

To hell with my wherewithal

 

Who cares if I have nothing, I’d be open to it all

Then when my life expires, they can talk of this moment

And extol, I didn’t let the sun settle and let myself slip away

Nothing lasts forever

 

It starts with a bang
An echoing boom
which hugs the air
Colours crackling uncontrollably
Thundering whips that shake foundations
Glittering lashings of silver and gold
Stars which cascade against the dark facade
The air thick with smog: no smoke without fire
And so the inferno rages on
We are without warning, untested
No instructions, no safety precautions
We are the unknown
A flame ready to be fuelled
or destroyed
Smothered by damp wood
or given freedom to burn
Neither way holds eternity
Either way –
Fireworks will not last forever
The choice is only to stay: enjoy
Or be left with only sticks and cinders
Forever imagining the unseen

 

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Poetry 101 Rehab – Decisions

We ponder this life
It’s twists and turns
Paths looming forward
No way to return

Forward we stumble
Side wards we run
Scared we might tumble
Before we’ve begun

Wary of danger
Observant to pain
Concerned over crisis
Resistant to change

We batten down hatches
And barricade hearts
Safeguard emotions
A fortress of parts

We anchor ourselves
Feet rooted securely
Thick in the mud
Weighing options demurely

Stuck upon crossroads
Silent in fear
Clinging to remnants
Of all we hold dear

That heavy decision
A burden on wasteland
One single survivor
Head stuck in the sand

Something inspired by Poetry 101 Rehab – to add your voice and check out some great posts click – HERE

Waiting for your ship to come in

If you have never felt it then you will never understand but those of you that have will instantly recognise the feeling.

Those moments when the time seems to slow and you become aware that for some reason you are waiting. Waiting for life to change, waiting for it to start, waiting for the storm to come and tear your world asunder forcing you to move from the island. The island created by you.

Be it consciously or not, you must be aware that you placed yourself on an island, surrounded by a force field which holds you there. Makes you a prisoner of your own making. Are you kept there by fear of the unknown, fear of change or simply a desire to stay in familiar surroundings waiting for the ship to come and save you. Because this seems an easier option..the safer one.

The problem arises when the ship arrives