How is it I can feel so much
yet also not at all.
How can you make me want so much
yet give so little.
Craving
Thrill of the chase
He was never mine not really, not where it mattered.
For the most part, I am a shareholder. A greedy coveter grasping a ticket, a little piece of him that I believe is mine, until the next time. The next spin of the wheel, eagerly watching the bounce, wondering where the white ball will land, wondering if my time is near. Alas, lady luck was never a friend to me. And so shall he be, forever more on the move,free to roam to whichever ever table he pleases. I can but sit and watch agog whilst the women sigh and feign over him. My stomach knotting to see blood red fingertips brush his skin. My scorn rises as perfumed beauties fawn and blush to see him pass by, they even lean in to smell his sweet scent at times. my discontent clearly shown, I cannot help it.
He is not mine any more yet once he was and I am loathe to forget. The night we shared on the poker table, I recall the revelry in his caress. How I would pull him to my lips with each jubilant squeal. I remember the fire of anticipation before we touched, our first meeting of indecency, our indiscretion of sorts.
Our last meeting was so long ago yet still I yearn for you, still I sit and watch you work your magic on others, hoping one day your delights will come back to me. praying for a day you will return so I can love you better, and not let you slip so easily through my fingertips..
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A-Z Challenge: Noticeable N
Needy Nerd Boy
It was the flick of your wrist as we sat
Opposite – leaning towards one another
Streamlined pine nestled between
A barrier to others, but not us
It was the slight halt, of your step
Your elbow nudging the air
were my arm too slow, to slip
into the crevice of your coat
It was the look in your eyes
Slowly rolling up, like a pup
on moving stairs and ramps
and how I craved your caress
It was the downward turn of your lips,
as I uttered my goodbyes
That lingering hug, tinged with sadness
Those mumbled words, I never heard
It was the perplexed face
harbouring worries of my welfare
whilst hurrying through stations and streets
The helping hand when I stumble
It was the pillowed arm, or chest
that warmed my cheek at night
The blanket of you surrounding me
Protection from the morning chill
It was the loss of these actions
and more: that instant regret
After proclaiming you were needy
It was my loss – My need for you.
Check out other blogs from the list over at A-Z Challenge
NaPoWriMo -Say what scares you
Words left unsaid
Sometimes I feel I would eat you alive
Merge my face into your supple chest
and blend our bodies together.
To peel off your skin
make you into a coat
So I can wear you all day
Entwine limbs and lungs,
solder lips and tongues.
Press my bones against yours
until the imprint is visible
for all to see,
to show you just
how deeply I am into you
Check out NaPoWriMo for the original prompt and find more great blogs
When you sleep…
She likes to watch you breathe
To stroke the rise of your chest
As ribs fall, exhausted into flesh
You don’t stir – yet she plants kisses
Across the tops of your thighs
Fingers the crease, of your knee,
Slips a slender palm into your clenched fist
As you sleep
She absorbs your heat
Closing her limbs around you
Just, as Ivy claims a tree
Using your skin as a canvas
She moulds your form, to fit hers
Breathing life into your dreaming corpse
Nuzzling your slack jaw, until
It wakens with a sigh
Allowing her to nestle: a queen bee
Surrounded by the petals of your drowsy love
It will all work out
This isn’t working for me. Isn’t working in the setting of the sun or the waking of the dawn when the birds croak out a morning chorus to wake the tree. It isn’t working in the drops of the rain that fall in the middle of the night calling out names to people who can no longer hear them. It doesn’t work for me that every time I see a small glimpse of hope flickering between the pebbles and the cliff tops that you tell me it’s just an illusion that there is nothing really there: just maybe a firefly breathing his final breathe.
This no longer works for me
The soft insinuation that things will be ok, that I will be ok, at sometime and some point. The dull thudding in my heart when I hear what you don’t say and know that you couldn’t, only to be able to hear it ten times louder than any other constant noise. It’s the slow droning that nags my earlobes and pulls the despair out of my mind and onto the paper. That sheer expression of nonsensical love and what it means to have it, to recognise and hold onto it for dear life.
This isn’t working out for me
To be able to dance in the autumn light of a harvest moon but never truly taste the bounty. To steal a grape from the great cornucopia of life yet never be able to let it reach my lips and feel it’s cool skin pressed against mine. To allow the acorns to nestle in safe pockets of earth protected from harm yet never to see them rise into strong reliant Oaks. To never feel the rush of the wind filter through my hair yet watch it blow the leaves into submission. To have the sea air cling to my lips yet never allow my aching tongue to taste it.
These are things that don’t work out for me
You don’t work out for me
Strategically placed scarf
In daring days, on cooler nights
You tremble
Lips quivering, hands peruse
Soft angles of flesh
Delicate notes of vanilla pods
Dance under nostrils
Weaving intoxication into the air
And loins
Warm tingles spread – grinning
Like Cheshire cat with cream
And all at once the urge
To pounce
Upon unsuspecting mouth
Hot with anticipated breath
Oh, restrained font of desire
If only you could see, as I do
A Promise of Relief
Sleep does not bring relief: you sir, have lied!
I cannot lie down and forget the sight nor sound
As memories of days in my mind abound
My stubborn heart clings to times, she has sighed
Days hauling through weeks, vision denied
Voice growing weary, I sink and you drown
But whisper an echo and I am spellbound
Ethereal you become, though inside you reside
I hunt you in dreams, stalk you as prey
Catch you in situ, suck the warmth from your skin
Hold you entirely, wear your body like fur
Savour your morsel, alike connoisseur
In slumber, all manner of joy on display
Yet never has sleep brought relief therein
Our Merry Dance
Each evening you leave me,
Amongst broken whips and chains.
Yet every night, I follow you,
Like a dog.
Keeping notes of your pleasures,
your midnight secrets,
Your dreams.
And in the morning l lie,
Weary and worn, but wanting.
Then you leave me again.
This is our dance, you and I
Our waltz of passion,
My tango of shame.
You play out the steps well,
And I am a fool for your tune.
The Late Request
It begins with a clear cylinder
The telltale chink of a miniature iceberg
Responding defiantly: with a thick “CRACK”
Upon first meeting of its soul mate
Shuddering against the caress,
Attempting to fight the inevitability
Rising without consent
Orifices filed with thick creamy nectar
Until they bob, on the surface
subdued and compliant
No longer resisting
Just the quiet vibration of submittal
Slowly but surely melting
into my mouth
You wait until I swallow the last drop
My lips coated in a sticky delight
Only then do you ask to taste my Baileys
Ginni bites! 