Feelings

Rejuvenation

I need to update –

Refresh, revive, to stay alive

A new mandate

And all that jive

The stagnant air needs to be cleared

Cobwebs have to disappear

This apathetic soul  must fade

Create a chance to be remade

No longer stifled, strained by fear

We’ll have no sadness, no more tears

To make a break to brighter plains

Transformation: life’s true aim

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I’m Fine Thanks

I’m not OK
Not within the weeping of trees,
Or inside wailing caverns,
Nor whilst walking home,
alone,
on a Saturday night
after the fight we had under the opaque moon.
 
I’m not OK in the vast open spaces,
of myself.
When I come to the end of my time
as a host, as a lover,
as a child,
as a friend.

I’m not OK
in my forced role of parent, or therapist.
Nor am I a sturdy shoulder,
a prop, a raft: left to hold others afloat.
 
After the day is through and the walls become silent
Hours left to my own devices,
my own thoughts, feelings even
Here – I’m not OK.
 
You cannot see,
yet in me lies a detonator
waiting for sanity to finally give in.
Silently mocking – willing me to explode
so that every bit of me is opened up to scrutiny,
and judgement.
Disappointment,
for both you and me.
 
And only then,
when my body is wiped from the walls,
and scarlet pools around their shoes
will they claim –
 
She seemed OK
She was always OK

Disposition of Two

It lay, soft and forlorn
Pressed tight against her leg
Breath held as she tried to ignore

They sat, squashed,
sweating onto her thigh
The clammy warmth unsettling

The prevented tense, became a shuffle
A grimace in the dark, as she turned
Their awkward alliance brushed aside
Pulled apart in silence
Left, to not discuss another day.