I’m not OK
Not within the weeping of trees,
Or inside wailing caverns,
Nor whilst walking home,
on a Saturday night
after the fight we had under the opaque moon.
I’m not OK in the vast open spaces,
When I come to the end of my time
as a host, as a lover,
as a child,
as a friend.
I’m not OK
in my forced role of parent, or therapist.
Nor am I a sturdy shoulder,
a prop, a raft: left to hold others afloat.
After the day is through and the walls become silent
Hours left to my own devices,
my own thoughts, feelings even
Here – I’m not OK.
You cannot see,
yet in me lies a detonator
waiting for sanity to finally give in.
Silently mocking – willing me to explode
so that every bit of me is opened up to scrutiny,
for both you and me.
And only then,
when my body is wiped from the walls,
and scarlet pools around their shoes
will they claim –
Apparently today is the three year anniversary of my blog. I don’t have a special poem prepared or anything and it was a nice little surprise that it remembered at all.
Though, I would like to give out my thanks to everyone who has read, liked, commented on my posts over the years: it really does mean more than I can express. You guys are awesome, especially those who seem like dependable online friends, interaction with you all has been something I never expected.
I may not always be active or extra talkative but I do appreciate you and your blogs, and your wonderful prompts and inspiration. Long may they continue to keep me sane (ish) as I pour over your words and in turn leave you with mine.
Welkom op de blog van Discobar Bizar. Druk gerust wat op de andere knoppen ook, of lees het aangrijpende verhaal van Harry nu je hier bent. Welcome to the Discobar Bizar blog, feel free to push some of the other buttons, or to read the gripping story of Harry whilst you are here!
ATTENTION PLEASE TO ALL WHO READ MY BLOG: "I have become very ill so I will do the best I can for the next several months. My illness is directly related to Cannabis. I will write an extensive description of the cause of my illness on my Marijuana Page below in the near future when I am strong enough. It is extremely SERIOUS for those who use Marijuana to read what I will be writing. It is a serious illness I never knew about until it sent me to the hospital in an ambulance a short time ago. I have made the necessary decision as a Certified Stoner & Medical Cannabis User to never use any form of cannabis again. That is the severity of this illness and what I will be writing about in the near future." - j.k 5.25.18