I know it, yet I cannot seem to stop it. I sit and I feel it slipping away from me. My get up and go has got up and gone and I have no idea how to find it again, or know if indeed it is still out there waiting to be found.
In my thoughts I am a pioneer, I swoop and soar and plan all things which I could do, list all the things I should do, hide from the things I need to do – yet still I lie.
Curled up in a fortress of quilt whenever I can get the chance, if ever I need not to be at work and sometimes when I should be somewhere else – i lie. Hidden behind walls and I lie, in bed waiting, waiting for something unknown.
I am tired
My bones do not want to move today or ever. I do not want to drag my carcass out into the unfriendly world where it has no relevance, no meaning, no joy. I feel guilt for all of the things I am missing out on, feel bad for those I am letting down, constantly but still I cannot seem to force myself out. I dont know what I want but I know it isnt this – I am a waste of life in this state. Not living but simply existing.
The only thing that brings solace is sleep. I feel I could sleep forever and feel happier lost in dreams for life only brings cruelty and sadness.
Welkom op de blog van Discobar Bizar. Druk gerust wat op de andere knoppen ook, of lees het aangrijpende verhaal van Harry nu je hier bent. Welcome to the Discobar Bizar blog, feel free to push some of the other buttons, or to read the gripping story of Harry whilst you are here!
ATTENTION PLEASE TO ALL WHO READ MY BLOG: "I have become very ill so I will do the best I can for the next several months. My illness is directly related to Cannabis. I will write an extensive description of the cause of my illness on my Marijuana Page below in the near future when I am strong enough. It is extremely SERIOUS for those who use Marijuana to read what I will be writing. It is a serious illness I never knew about until it sent me to the hospital in an ambulance a short time ago. I have made the necessary decision as a Certified Stoner & Medical Cannabis User to never use any form of cannabis again. That is the severity of this illness and what I will be writing about in the near future." - j.k 5.25.18