humor

The First Villanelle

Oh. how to write a villanelle?

I need to be in the right mood

Perhaps a glass of Zinfandel

Would make my words seem rather swell

Or would it make them far too lewd?

Oh. how to write a villanelle?

Set up a template on Excel

And write until my flair renewed

Perhaps a glass of Zinfandel

To help fill in each empty cell

Or is this method far too crude?

Oh. how to write a villanelle?

My head becomes an empty shell

This page is just some words accrued

Perhaps a glass of Zinfandel

Ease my failure, not to dwell

Without the poem, then I’m screwed

Oh. how to write a villanelle?

Perhaps a glass of Zinfandel?

A-Z Challenge & NaPoWriMo – J.11

 

Thought I would combine my A-Z Challenge with the NaPoWriMo prompt for today: hope this goes down the right way πŸ˜‰

 

New Jesus

Nothing like the old one
Gone are the ragged locks,
the disheveled robe
His weathered, withered skin.
In place of bones
There hang, jewels of sweat
Clinging to suntanned pecs

I like how he makes me feel
As I watch him pour life into beings
that hang, fragile and frightened.
They way he encourages them
Helps them fulfill their potential
in a way that only he can.

I admire the warm glow of his presence.
The smile he brings to my lips when near.
Miraculous tricks, yielding better results
– than the old Jesus.

Though I can’t understand
Why my husband doesn’t like the new gardener

 

 

 

NaPoWriMo: Day 4

My take on the prompt given by NaPoWriMo

The Month Without Him

The cruellest month is upon us,
we have to see it through,
every day from start to end
without a word from you

I told you I could cope with it
I said I would be strong
You laughed at my reaction
and said a month’s not long

The first week saw me pine for you
The second I was sad
The third week, I was coping
It didn’t seem too bad

A week to go, I’d found a niche
Enjoyed our time apart
The bed was mine, the house was clean
And that was just a start

I’d lost a stone, and bought new clothes
caught up with all my friends
The milk was never left to spoil
I went out on weekends

The bins they still got emptied
The broken shelf got fixed
Tins still got recycled
Laundry stayed unmixed

That forth week, flew
right on by,
without me feeling blue
And now I’m counting
down the days,
to next month without you

 

A-Z Challenge: Corny C

So today I thought I would take some actual ‘Stolen Words’ to go with my A-Z Challenge.

It’s not a poem but I honestly couldn’t have made this conversation up and wondered if anyone else had to deal with this kind of stuff from aging relatives, and if so does it make you laugh? or just cringe like me :/

 

Uncanny Conversation

 

Oh you can stick your cans from Brazil too

Pardon?

The cans, that come from Brazil, they’re no good

<pauses>

It gets stuck, the keys break off and then you have to put a knife around…

You mean the..

You know, the Corned beef you got me, I don’t want them ones again

But it’s the brand you always have

The tins are rusted, they are useless, I don’t want them. Now the ones from France, they’re perfect ,nothing wrong with those, but this Brazilian tin <scoffs>, Β Β they are no good.

Well you know I can’t choose where its packaged right?

You could get the French ones

No, I order the ones in the brand you ask for, online

Well ask for the French tins

They don’t let you choose which country you want the stuff packaged in.

But…

What do you expect, its tinned meat. If they are faulty I can try and complain but…

No don’t complain

Well then there’s nothing else I can do

<mumbles>

You OK?

Ok – just get the French ones next time

<sighs>

 

That Cockney Attraction

Roll up, roll up,
You’ll want to see
This wondrous sight
I guarantee

Those gangster hippos
wearing shades
in pin stripe suits
hawking their trades

To strutting tigers
in flat caps
and skin lined coats
They’re fake…perhaps

Or maybe you want
a vision less brutal
chimney sweep penguins
miming a recital

Bowler hat bears
could be more favourable?
With lemons on faces –
Apples unavailable

Ladies and Gentlemen
You may well prefer
Feasting your mince pies
On a real connoisseur

The top hatted otter
with gilded monocle
sometimes quite fussy
but always methodical

Though boys and girls
Might like to see
Those Burberry
clad chimpanzees

Then for all you
sporting types
a chance to swim
in with the pikes

So as you can see
there’s plen’y ter do
Come buy yaaahr ticket
For London Zoo!

Modern Day Surrender

How frustrating it is.
After resisting such taunts
A whole day without you,
filling my thoughts.

Twenty four hours,
Without you inside me.
My mind in a scramble
it’s you, undeniably.

I banish your words,
Try clearly to think.
Yet the impact of you
Drives me to the brink.

As your name flashes up,
Right there in the list.
Try as I might
I just can’t resist.

Impulse takes over,
my resolve so weak.
You win and I lose.
So much for mystique

The text disappears
My pride has been thrown
Oh why did I ever,
Pick up that dam phone!

Guest Haiku -She got tired of waiting

Thought I would pin up something not written by me but something by a friend which amused me and I added a title

She got tired of waiting

He poked and prodded
“Nothing’s happening” He said.
I’ll do it myself

A gap in the market

Alone he sits, upon his bed

His weapon in his hand

Thinking about the things they said

And how to be a brand

Armed with his phone and snapchat app

His boxers pressed and tight

He found a niche to fill the gap

His solo pillow fight.

Just an average man

The numbers speak for themselves

5ft 10 – Lets try again

That universal average

13 stone – oh leave it alone

A list of aspiration,

Size 9 -Still feeling fine?

Conformations of disappointment

5.1 – But where is that done?

Β 

All these numbers are to me

Are restrictions on us being free

What is an average if not dull

These lists and stats are due a cull

Β 

Though 4.7 makes me grin

Because you think that’s rather thin