secret

Words behind the face

I wish I’d held you, back then
Paused your thoughts on the moment
And asked what I didn’t want to know.

If I could have the time over
I’d pounce – as you pulled that face,
The one you do.

The slightly aggrieved, silent pout
A look that falls across a puppy’s snout
When it’s squeaker gets confiscated.

A flicker of anger denied,
Followed by deduction – confusion,
And freckled with a whimper.

I wish I could have quashed that look,
Braved the tinged sadness,
Just asked what she’d said

You wouldn’t have told me
– of course
But I wish I’d have asked

A-Z Challenge: Secretive S

The damage of silence

Was it her?

I ask in earnest, watching your lips stay firmly closed. I know that you think this method is the easiest, that somehow your silence on the subject will halt the conversation, stop my pursuit of the truth. I think maybe you don’t understand the way in which my brain works, and who could blame you as not even her owner has a full understanding, yet I know this much: refusal to talk won’t make me stop wondering, in fact it makes the hunger worse. Instead I needle you for more information, your mouth set into a stout barrier to your words, I pause briefly before trying to explain why I need this. Offer examples of previous relationships soured by the lack of information, the disintegration of trust, yet you don’t understand, or you do and this still does not sway you to share. My persistence, or stubbornness does eventually pay off – in a way: after my pestering train of conversation you admit to what I already knew to be true, but neither of us are better for the interaction: well maybe not just me
.
The silly thing is that it was a simple question, with a simple answer: there was no hidden agenda that you might have thought, there was no malice or emotion attached: yet the denial or the reluctance to answer was the key to opening another door. Something that would have gone away easy with a grin now still resides in my brain, niggles my mind and forces me to think about it in my times of solitary.

Perhaps, I think you don’t talk because it hurts too much – still: and this is what keeps me awake at night. If you can’t talk about something because it hurts, because it’s still raw then maybe you are not ready to move on at all. Maybe I’m starting to fight a losing battle, again.

I’ve been there before – competing with the shadow of a former love, a rose tinted soul mate, and I can never compare – I know this: nobody can.

It’s that one person, one of those ghosts that people have, those haunting figures that broke their heart, maybe even time and time again. The little deaths that people resign themselves to once they commit to someone heart and soul. You give your everything to them and they take your innocent heart and squeeze out every last ounce of hope and leave you with a tender husk which you learn to closely guard.

There are places and things that are connected to these people. Sometimes it’s a film, a certain phrase, a chain of restaurants, places you both visited, even clothes you wore: all these memories, those little glints of happiness you keep them. They never get spoken about, they are just kept close, little private moments that you can access, unsullied by others, kept only for you.

Whilst this may not be the case for you personally, this is now how it seems, and I wonder if you are really ready for anything as intense as I can be. I wonder if you even want this and all the while I hate the fact that I have been too open…too honest…too free with my words: all which now seem insubstantial, since I had to fight you for yours.

 

Written for A-Z Challenge: S

A-Z Challenge: Indistinct I

 

Instead I listened

I could have recalled the night we met
Waxed lyrical about the weight of your kiss
How it hung – in bowed silence
Spoke of the pressure of lips,
the way they sat
On mine. Absorbing my want to breathe
That rush of infinity, frozen in time
I could of talked of trembling
Glistening palpitations,
But instead I listened

I should have countered
with an amusement – a little ditty
about how we encountered
Divulged a dirty chuckle of presumption
Exclaimed a wide pondering grin
Smugly shared secrets of lust and desire
missing due care
Culminating in an almighty rush
of satisfaction
Of awe

Yet, instead I listened

 

Check out the A-Z Challenge here

 

For My Love

In the secret depths of despair
That’s where you’ll find my love

To wade past the coy lily pads
Knee deep in petals of pinks and lilac
Pushing aside creepers of lust
Avoiding the fluttering kisses of wings
That alight your skin
Sending tingles of promise
Of romance
Of lies

For you to swim
in the deep waters of my soul
Ignoring the skittering surface
Brushing away the algae
Diving down
Head first
Under the thick azure waters
To grasp at the kelp
On the floors of my heart

When you are strong enough
To part the jagged coral
Slip your fingers into the crevice
Of my blemished shell
And prise open the lips
To get to the pearl,
unbeknownst of its purity
Feeling your oxygen drain from your throat
Burning to reach the jewel
Which you only hope exists

Only when you can breath within despair
Will you know me, my love.

Amidst the Roses

The roses smell sweeter
When wet
Crushed under the arch of your back
Delicate petals
Sodden with sweat
Paper thin shells
Pressed into lush grass
Flattened by the force
Of desire

I remember it well

The nights you came to me
Secret trysts under trellis’
Stolen kisses
As the sun raced us home

Your skin glistening with sweat then
Hot breathe on my neck
As you panted my name
The moment you gave yourself

Over to passion
Over to love
Over to me

I remember it well

My beautiful picture

Regrets of a Saviour

Today reminded me that some of these earlier poems never really had a great chance to be seen so I thought I might slip in the odd reblog now and again on days that I need to keep what I’m writing on a secret..for now 😀

P.s It was George’s inspiration so please check out his lovely blog too, it’s full of hidden gems 🙂

https://georgeforfun.wordpress.com/

Ginni bites!

The collar holds tight around my neck,

You buckled me up yet look nervous

When I snap my teeth and snarl.

You put this in me,

Gave me my fight back.

Poured a fire into my belly

Too ferocious to stamp out

You awakened in me a lust that had died,

Fanned a flame of existence

Reignited something in the darkness

That which slumbered peacefully

Unaware

Until you rattled that rusty gate

Yet now, here you stand

Hesitant

As I strain against my leash

And all the while you think

How to subdue me once more.

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